Avenues of Kottarakara

Please do read this at your own risk .. As suggested by Roy who seems to think Disclaimer should be put before reader get a chance to go through the content .This is not an intelligent blog ! I would not claim that it is beautiful either ! Yet I had to write ..Just to get it out of my head !
Recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine who incidently happened to be female . Usually I have very few female friends .They usually tend to be very offended by my very poor and unimaginative jokes and also the taste of movie and music . And yeah some do persist only due to their temprement which rival that of saints .
Unintentionally our conversation strayed into morality .She was worried to call herself a mallu seeing how her roommates were leading a life devoid of any sense of morality .They apparently came very late at night and had at times not come at all .She sounded like my grandmother in her moral lessons that she gave me that day . And her preference of Groom she said has to be a city dweller or some one who is used to city life.She said she had many friends and she would expect her husband to understand her friendship with these guys (No ironies ..sarcasm here please )
I was reminded of two people .One was Fredrich Netieshe .He was a german Philosopher .He strictly advocated a life questioning all diktats of morality .He questioned and made fun of all of our hypocritic moral and religious outlook of life . Is our love for an individual compromised to any extent just because we are with another individual . Does love demand that we be confining all our imagination,love and life with only the person we claim we are in love with .
He claimed that faithfullness was only a crude tool for sexual selection . You see tigers and lions .They have territory . They usually mate with a lioness and mark their territory with their piss .If another Lion happened to trespass into his territory he had to fight and establish . They defended their territory with claws and life .And if the other lion has won the fight , he would first kill the children of the previous lion . It was a cruel reality of feline social life . But it was a good evolutionary tool for these panthers .This ensured that only the strongest reproduced and passed on their genetic traits to the next generation . This ensured that the next generation of cubs had he strongest genes and their chances of survival was ensured by genetic superiority .
We humans ..our jealously .our possesiveness of things ..friends ..lovers .Marriage .Fidelity and very unfortunately our concept of love too is deeply rooted in this territorial pissings . We too would feel infuriated when our lovers ,friends ,wife , of the opposite sex had a relationship with another human/computer/internet friend what not !! We had fought world wars and killed several lives and ravaged civilizations itself in a feeling rooted in this territorial pissings .We felt jealous and insecure if our neighbours built nuclear weapons .We bombed their city and deprived mothers of their sons and joys just to have enough fossil fuels to foster our sense of well being .We felt jealous of all devloping countries which were advancing on the streets of capitalism . We called them a threat to national security . You see we close our eyes to all these injustices and brainlessness and call ourselves the most advances creatures with intelligence . Nietizhe questioned these very moral triats of ours and proposed free living ..Free living with all its perks and pangs .Do we really need this tools of sexual selection in among us humans with age of internet blogging.We already have enough population .People only think in terms of marriage . trust me Humans will outlive bacterias and dust too . We are now social beings .We need to ensure collective survival of a race ..not individual .We are intelligent enough to ensure that we survive without need to fight with claws and life !We could live as a collective family .Poly family ..A commune .Where sexuality is not exloited as a tool of evolution .Where an entire human life and his incredible intelligence is not wasted thinking about raising a family ..Kids ! Where humans supported each others feelings and cherished this human life they are endowed with .Where no one owned anything individually .Where everything and anything was shared and used for collective human growth . Where people did not own anything and was not owned by anything ..Devoid of religion .Devoid of nations .Living life .Enjoying some sixty odd years that we are gifted with .Without any worries . Where we cherish our planet earth .Where we would discover and marvel our forefathers .and one fine day die a life with feeling of having seen a rock show !
Another charector which she reminded me that day was the Charector of wife in the movie unfaithful . She was a liberated woman .with a really loving husband (Richard gere )Somehow mid life crisis drives her to a lover half her age .They have this affair running .And one fine day she finds her lover with another woman , She is completely broken . She confronts him ..He questions her sense of morality .She was a woman cheating her husband and she questions her lover when he is seen with another woman . Sarcasms of a modern sense of moral justice !

Of course both of them were hypocrites .Netiezshe prophesed a moral free societ yet lived life like a monk .He was even a celebate .I doubt if he was a virgin like me !! And this woman ..Liberated who upheld morality and faithfulness conveniently forget morality to cater and satiate her love ! I respect both .I AM BOTH yet a male too ! A virgin male !
No matter how modern we claim to think , we need to understand that we are deeply rooted in our territorial pissings , Jealousy ,this feeling ..this undercurrent of constant insecurity , where our sense of self is qeustionned constantly by behaviour and life of the one with whom we share our time and space with . Marriage was only a reinforcement of our hypocritic outlook of life .
I heard that man's intelligent and thinking mind is only as thin as Onion's out skin ,Deep inside of that is layers upon layers of evolutionary slumber . He was a lion , donkey and dog at times .All of his poetry , his prose and epic wars were only a sophisticated MASKS of his dull wit !
OFcourse there is always an exceptional human who thought from beyond his human frame .Who questionned this hypocracies .Who threatened and challenged this dwarf and imbecile thinking of our human leaders and religions . yeah he was last seen asking for water in a crucifix . He was poisoned ..killed tortured ..and threatened with Marriage ! At times ..kind poeple thought he was poet and honoured him/her with a booker prize

Humans ..Brothers and sisters of slumber ! I too was one of them . But when I question their stupidities ..our collective dark humour !… Well lets just say that I get my head banged against the bathroom door by my lovely room mates ! I do not make any inference here . No nothing I am implying here .I do not even say marriage and possesiveness is wrong . Only I ask you ..Implore you ..That we atleast aknowlege our hypocracies . Otherwise we would not be different from a blind monkey scratching his loins on top a nuclear weapon warhead ready to destroy life as we know it only because his wife had slept with his best friend

Humans being humans .. Read it completly only after reading the disclaimer ! I dont blame them ..I celebrate them and thank them ..To have gone through this and understood .. ! Thank you for reading this ! Please do leave your comments and views on the same ! And in case you need to bang my head against the bathroom door . Please atleast ensure that its clean ! (I mean my head )

Flavours of loneliness

When all the tears had dried up in me ..All I had left in me were words ..Some romantic ,
some lonely , Some angry and some were frustrated too . She Never really said a single word
to me ..It was a long silence .Cold warm strange ugly and beautiful silence .
Different faces of silence were playing music with my sense of humour .
She never really did write to me to say anything .Yet I could hear her speak to me .
She graced my life with memories ,Imagination , Hallucination and nightmares .

Yes at times It was scary to be very lonely
.Yet I beared a smile and a laughter too.For I did not wanted to treat my lover with a sad face .
I said jokes , and laughed at the lack of humour in it !She was looking at me from a
far distance .She never came too close ..niether was she very far .
But to the world which was trained to see distant and dead ! She was so far away living in a different
world..doing diffrent thing ..living she was her life with a person other than me too …Yet
She was to me… the only poet .The only one .Her silence was bible ,Quran and Bhagavat gita to
Me ….Yes she was a communist and she was my communist manifesto too ..
.I listened to it .I marvelled at the intelligence..Profound deep philosophical paradoxes .
Yet I was illiterate and blind . In the midst of a rich family friends and fellow bloggers ..
I sat and looked at my empty tears . I felt a drop in my cheeks ..Then there was another one .
Then another too .. I was wet ..a warm cold sweet and really refreshingly wet …
Oh god just today I washed my clothes and made them dry .Jeans ..T shirts and my Jocky
underpants ..they were all wet ..Of course I wore clothes..not to hide my shame .

I was shameless in love and admitting it too ,My dead and truly alive grandfather taught me not be
ashamed of loving ..Only to hide my nakedness did I wore jeans ..ha jeans ..colourful jeans
..Green jeans ..red jeans .yellow and black jeans too ..Yet they were all very blue
JEans was blue ..I should have known ..I tried to laugh ..but jeans was blue .Some happy
jeans.Some jeans of jokes..Some blue and romantic jeans too I owned ..All to hide my
hiddeous insecure nakedness.


I wondered whether other people too were naked ..inside their
clothes ..No their jeans looked clean and dry too ..

Even when god was crying their clothes were dry as a leaf dried and dead in summer heat .
I wondered what they were doing . They were out shopping in Tiruvanmayur Signal !
Chennai city ..cold cruel ugly funny laughters !!!????

.They all thought i was so much out of fashion . New dresses .numerous discount .None i felt
like buying . My tears made me transparent even when i wore Two ugly jeans ..one of laughter
and another of romance . I wondered if the pretty girl who just passed by saw me naked in my
jeans made transparent by my tears ! Nopes they were laughing at a joke said by a
faceless man in a lost crowd ! A Crowd which lost its happiness innocence and laughter in a
mad rush to get a better rating in their next appraisal .Yet she was laughing at their jokes

Words ..Words and some more words .I said one thousand two hundred and ninety seven words
that day .None of it contained the laughter i had when i felt her presence . Yet i said
words..More words so that silence did not take me over completely .cold warm strange ugly
and beautiful silence . Suddenly out of nowhere i saw some kids playing with a guitar and a
song in their lips . It was a lovely composition .Mozart Rahman and some rock bhangara
.Simons garfunkel and U2 were playing in their lips . I wondered how they learned such rich
music when in age they were little than the pain .Pain .. ha ..the painful pains of my life
.Some thought I enjoyed them .Deeply nourished them with my dried up tears .
Little do they knew that i deeply and secretly hated them .
I was in a constant war with my pains..Father ..ha mother ..they did not like pains.
They did not like my pains ..Divine holy dark and empty pains ..

Bush ..President Bush .. He was gone and the world was safe .Little did i know
that He was still alive and ruling the United states of American Barbarism in my memories
And that of one thousand fellow people who were lonely when they were together .
All stories ..All words ..all tears .. have a begining and an end . World began with a big
bang and it grew evolved ..Atoms molecules ..and complex biological organisms ..Yet none
spoke to me like my Sheni ! I listened to her .The call of hunger ..silence ..and rich
emotions .Poetry it was ! ha ..Harmony ..Peace ..oh …no it was prayers .. no one thousand
two hundred and ninety seven words which were unknown to me ..Which were unknowable to me
..I lost my vocabulary to a lover who thought that i was only a friend ! A distant relative
who wore jeans to hide his hiddeous ugly naked lonliness ..
I faded and I fainted ..even the colour of my jeans were faded to this white and
unrecognisable faceless colour ..Confused colour ..


I saw hope ..A little sunshine .. A sunshine in the rain .. So beautiful it was having
seven colours..Seven colours more bright than all the colours of my Jeans.. I touched it and
expected it to dissapear ..I had colours in my hand …then I got colours in my elbows knees
chest and hair too . It was those children with guitar..Simons..garffell..and U2 .. Children
playing songs beyond their age ..One thousand two hundred and ninety seven year old chilren
..Chilren working in Kolkotta cognizant .. Children who wrote beautiful poetry ..They made
me want to sing .. I was afraid i would sing too loud..But they smiled at me invitingly
.They laughed too .. at my fears ..

I sang this song …. Chikku bukku chikku bukku railee… Kalakkuthu paariva stylee… (you
see i am always funny )They seemed to like it ..They called me a poet ..and called me one of
their own ..A blogger ..and a poet ! I liked this new nakedness ..

This shamless and joyful nakedness..Where was that hiddeous ugliness I wondered ..
Rain washed away my friend ..The rain of laughter..
All you people who reads this and comments that its okay to be naked..yep
You washed it away .. My memories ,imagination hallucination , fear ,anger and frustrations
too were washed . beach was beautiful ..Evening was lovely …But now i got to go and catch
the movie for which i had experimented and volunteered to risk my sanity over .It was
weekend treat with my friends. God bless all .